Why do I shy away from writing ? Is it so difficult to pen down my thoughts ? Not really, if I think through it. It's just that I perhaps don't want to admit and accept what i have been thinking and also at a later point of time wonder on my thoughts. But thoughts, however transient they are, they are a part of us and actually our identity and self is in our thoughts. So the more we shy away from it, the more we fail to admit it, the more we find ourselves far from us, far from reality.
That holds true even for negative thoughts.. when i distance myself from a negative thought saying that it's not me, I am running away from a bitter truth of being human. God is smart, irrespective of the religions, and ensured that as humans we do have vices, lest each of us would know the ultimate truth, of which we just have an illusion of.
So what should you do? Fight the emotions, try to kill it with another set of emotions or actions. I say "Admit" and "Accept". When u admit and accept, you come closer to real you. When you "accept", you just ended a tussle with yourself, a tussle to kill a part of your own personality. That's precisely the way most of the cancer treatments work -'killing a part of your body' - but reasearch has shown that there are better ways to treat them.(the architecture of cancer - video from TED talks)
Let's just admit that i have 'this' without being any judgemental about it. Now i know you are wondering what "this" is - it may be anything that you are fighting with and generally against. For example, let me admit that i like being in deep thoughts, may be even wasting time just lazying and thinking. By thinking that i am not one to be swayed by thoughts, by thinking i am one who is stern and clearly defines my lanes and am not at all bothered by these wandering thoughts - I am actually running away from the very part of me which has defined me since long. I have been a vagabond all my life and that is what i am even now - learning the ways of life in every course of my journey.
The second phase after "admit" is "accept" - when you accept your feelings, u give a shape and form to it. Now once you recognize what is that part of you which you had shut your eyes from - you would probably be able to heal it.For example, I accept that i like thinking about people close to me or i wish were close to me.
Now that I have accepted, I am at peace.
The next logical question would be, what do i do with it ? The answer could be varied between the two extremes of - nothing to everything. If you can't do anything, just live with it. Believe me, it would be easier to live with no action than to fight the very root of it, the emotions - for they are pervasive in your subconciousness and they are a part of you - actions are not. Also, if you have watched the video, you would know that you can change the environment to bring the positiveness of the self which you had been overlooking all this while.
And yes ... rights and wrongs are just the fallacies of human understanding, not even the computer system is actually binary , it's all analog- Everything around us are just shades of grey, picking the shade may be an action one can't take, but shying away from liking the shade is almost like killing oneself; So stop judging yourself.
If you like someone - go ahead like him/ her. You may or may not act on your liking depending on the constraints, but fighting that thought, trying to slay that thought itself could be very difficult - sometimes much more difficult than fighting the whole world inorder to achieve it....
Good luck Ami!
