It's true that I haven't been writing off late, although the urge to write and key down my thoughts has crossed my mind umpteen times. I wish I could write about all I think and all I do but I can't. I have been dragged or I should say I have jumped on to the race of life, although very well knowing the futility of it. I understand the life is a journey and each step is a stroke on the canvas of it. At the end of the journey, these little steps would decide if the painting is a masterstroke. Yet i have chosen myself a stroke, a course which the world approves of. Why do i need its approval. I don't but I care for people around me and it feels happy to see them revere in all this course. Moreover, it seems, as we grow older, the needs of the people around us will dictate the choices we make. However, I wish it just remains to seems and doesn't morph into an obvious reality for me, which it has for lots of people I know of.
Almost always, thoughts in my mind lead me to one question - what do I really want from this life. Ten years ago, i really knew what I wanted. I don't think there was a person who knew what he wanted better than I did. I wanted the most beautiful oasis of the desert, the sparkling white pearl from the heart of the ocean and the purest breeze from the top of the mountains. Yes, it was a dream but a dream personified, one which completes the reality of being me.
I could go on and on about the most beautiful dream I had. It's one of those dreams that gives you super powers and you can actually do anything for it. You can change the world even upside down for its sake.Happiness has a whole new meaning in this dream and you live for it and also die for it, all in bliss.
Now, years later when i know it was just a dream, I fail to answer - what do i really want from this life. The answer often starts and stops at the question itself. I still want meaning from it, but I guess it's hard to get a meaning for me now; the meaning probably if any has to be realized by people around me.
Defining your goals from a scratch is not easy; It's the feeling that everything I did was for a goal which i later realized was never there for me. Accepting things as fate or destiny is an easy solution.
Nevertheless, I know and accept reality. It's just that I can't choose a worthy goal now. It is this inability that is making me lose myself. I know, choosing or finding a worthier goal is going to be very difficult. The other solution is the philosophy I am practicing now. Just go on, don't set a target, enjoy the journey and carry on.
This philosophy is also very good and when I connect the dots backwards, it's not that bad. However, it does echo the lazy sentiment I have, let the purpose come to you and let the goals of life choose you.
But then I still fear, what if I never find a worthier goal... what if I never have another original idea from life?
Almost always, thoughts in my mind lead me to one question - what do I really want from this life. Ten years ago, i really knew what I wanted. I don't think there was a person who knew what he wanted better than I did. I wanted the most beautiful oasis of the desert, the sparkling white pearl from the heart of the ocean and the purest breeze from the top of the mountains. Yes, it was a dream but a dream personified, one which completes the reality of being me.
I could go on and on about the most beautiful dream I had. It's one of those dreams that gives you super powers and you can actually do anything for it. You can change the world even upside down for its sake.Happiness has a whole new meaning in this dream and you live for it and also die for it, all in bliss.
Now, years later when i know it was just a dream, I fail to answer - what do i really want from this life. The answer often starts and stops at the question itself. I still want meaning from it, but I guess it's hard to get a meaning for me now; the meaning probably if any has to be realized by people around me.
Defining your goals from a scratch is not easy; It's the feeling that everything I did was for a goal which i later realized was never there for me. Accepting things as fate or destiny is an easy solution.
Nevertheless, I know and accept reality. It's just that I can't choose a worthy goal now. It is this inability that is making me lose myself. I know, choosing or finding a worthier goal is going to be very difficult. The other solution is the philosophy I am practicing now. Just go on, don't set a target, enjoy the journey and carry on.
This philosophy is also very good and when I connect the dots backwards, it's not that bad. However, it does echo the lazy sentiment I have, let the purpose come to you and let the goals of life choose you.
But then I still fear, what if I never find a worthier goal... what if I never have another original idea from life?
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