Admit and Accept !!!

Why do I shy away from writing ? Is it so difficult to pen down my thoughts ? Not really, if I think through it. It's just that I perhaps don't want to admit and accept what i have been thinking and also at a later point of time wonder on my thoughts. But thoughts, however transient they are, they are a part of us and actually our identity and self is in our thoughts. So the more we shy away from it, the more we fail to admit it, the more we find ourselves far from us, far from reality.

That holds true even for negative thoughts.. when i distance myself from a negative thought saying that it's not me, I am running away from a bitter truth of being human. God is smart, irrespective of the religions, and ensured that as humans we do have vices, lest each of us would know the ultimate truth, of which we just have an illusion of.

So what should you do? Fight the emotions, try to kill it with another set of emotions or actions. I say "Admit" and "Accept". When u admit and accept, you come closer to real you. When you "accept", you just ended a tussle with yourself, a tussle to kill a part of your own personality. That's precisely the way most of the cancer treatments work -'killing a part of your body' - but reasearch has shown that there are better ways to treat them.(the architecture of cancer - video from TED talks)

Let's just admit that i have 'this' without being any judgemental about it. Now i know you are wondering what "this" is - it may be anything that you are fighting with and generally against. For example, let me admit that i like being in deep thoughts, may be even wasting time just lazying and thinking. By thinking that i am not one to be swayed by thoughts, by thinking i am one who is stern and clearly defines my lanes and am not at all bothered by these wandering thoughts - I am actually running away from the very part of me which has defined me since long. I have been a vagabond all my life and that is what i am even now - learning the ways of life in every course of my journey.

The second phase after "admit" is "accept" - when you accept your feelings, u give a shape and form to it. Now once you recognize what is that part of you which you had shut your eyes from - you would probably be able to heal it.For example, I accept that i like thinking about people close to me or i wish were close to me.

Now that I have accepted, I am at peace.

The next logical question would be, what do i do with it ? The answer could be varied between the two extremes of - nothing to everything. If you can't do anything, just live with it. Believe me, it would be easier to live with no action than to fight the very root of it, the emotions - for they are pervasive in your subconciousness and they are a part of you - actions are not. Also, if you have watched the video, you would know that you can change the environment to bring the positiveness of the self which you had been overlooking all this while. 

And yes ... rights and wrongs are just the fallacies of human understanding, not even the computer system is actually binary , it's all analog- Everything around us are just shades of grey, picking the shade may be an action one can't take, but shying away from liking the shade is almost like killing oneself; So stop judging yourself.

If you like someone  - go ahead like him/ her. You may or may not act on your liking depending on the constraints, but fighting that thought, trying to slay that thought itself could be very difficult - sometimes much more difficult than fighting the whole world inorder to achieve it....

Good luck Ami!

Being Me- II

 "Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!" - Rocky Balboa 

The libran that you are believes in countering every negative emotion with the splash of positivity. You may not come up with an original idea, an original goal or may be life doesn't give me a chance to prove that you are Godsend for great things, but to quit trying is not what you know. 

You may be slow, may take a pause and a deep breath to hold the moment as if forever, but you will release the breath and get back to the ascent uphill, for in your journey lies the sole purpose of being Amrit; its legacy should live on, if not in words, in his actions, in the lives he touches and in the lives he is touched by. 

Let's just say all you need to do is keep moving and things that you always wanted will shape up and come to you. You never wanted the goals but the happiness attached to the goals you chose. What if the happiness comes with all the other milestones that comes your way. Give it a chance... Give life a chance and believe in yourself. 

You are not a coward and you shall not point fingers, not even your yourself.

King once said - if you can't fly, run ...if you can't run, walk and if you can't walk .. crawl, but it's important to keep moving ..

Just move it ...and you shall be fine. 

Being Me!

It's true that I haven't been writing off late, although the urge to write and key down my thoughts has crossed my mind umpteen times. I wish I could write about all I think and all I do but I can't. I have been dragged or I should say I have jumped on to the race of life, although very well knowing the futility of it. I understand the life is a journey and each step is a stroke on the canvas of it. At the end of the journey, these little steps would decide if the painting is a masterstroke. Yet i have chosen myself a stroke, a course which the world approves of. Why do i need its approval. I don't but I care for people around me and it feels happy to see them revere in all this course. Moreover, it seems, as we grow older, the needs of the people around us will dictate the choices we make. However, I wish it just remains to seems and doesn't morph into an obvious reality for me, which it has for lots of people I know of.

Almost always, thoughts in my mind lead me to one question - what do I really want from this life. Ten years ago, i really knew what I wanted. I don't think there was a person who knew what he wanted better than I did. I wanted the most beautiful oasis of the desert, the sparkling white pearl from the heart of the ocean and the purest breeze from the top of the mountains. Yes, it was a dream but a dream personified, one which completes the reality of being me.

I could go on and on about the most beautiful dream I had. It's one of those dreams that gives you super powers and you can actually do anything for it. You can change the world even upside down for its sake.Happiness has a whole new meaning in this dream and you live for it and also die for it, all in bliss.

Now, years later when i know it was just a dream, I fail to answer - what do i really want from this life. The answer often starts and stops at the question itself. I still want meaning from it, but I guess it's hard to get a meaning for me now; the meaning probably if any has to be realized by people around me.

Defining your goals from a scratch is not easy; It's the feeling that everything I did was for a goal which i later realized was never there for me. Accepting things as fate or destiny is an easy solution.

Nevertheless, I know and accept reality. It's just that I can't choose a worthy goal now. It is this inability that is making me lose myself. I know, choosing or finding a worthier goal is going to be very difficult. The other solution is the philosophy I am practicing now. Just go on, don't set a target, enjoy the journey and carry on.

This philosophy is also very good and when I connect the dots backwards, it's not that bad. However, it does echo the lazy sentiment I have, let the purpose come to you and let the goals of life choose you.

But then I still fear, what if I never find a worthier goal... what if I never have another original idea from life? 

Why don't I complain?

1. I don't complain about the government because I didn't have any role is choosing my representative. I just voted once in my life time.

2. I don't complain about the police, because my hand goes in the pocket every time and pulls up 100/200 bucks when i am on the wrong side.

3. I don't complain about the bureaucracy, because  I left that road for the lack of money and the hard work involved.

4.I don't complain about the rowdy  because he/she doesn't trouble my family

5. I don't go ahead and protest on the roads, because I like spending time on Facebook, sharing how bad I felt eating bingo and refreshing to know how many people liked it

But overall, I don't change myself, because deep down i believe that No matter what ... nothing will change and I am just another selfish brat who thinks he has lot of his own problems to deal with than of the country, who segments his problems and that of others in top priority and no priority buckets, who has learnt that the people are no good to live for .. Live for money and for yourself....

I am just another Indian who doesn't understand that his "self" is useless unless it's meant for others..


PS: I disown any of the statement above for the selfish reasons of not being detained.

Restless ... again !!!

This is just another Saturday and this is just another me, restless all over again. 

I completed the book "How I braved Anu aunty and set up a million dollar company" by Varun Agarwal, a 25 year old bangaluru boy. The book is simple , a breezer without much ado on the language, but the message is strong. 

"Screw it, Let's do it!" is the key message in the 100 odd pages in which Vikram tells a tale of his life on how he chased his dream in spite of the numerous critics around him. The book reminded me of 3 idiots all over again in which Madhvan says "Mujhe tho unka first name bhi nahi pata". Seriously, I don't know about others but I admit i closely identify with someone who is living someone else's life, just for the sake of what some x y z would think.

Some people have always had a distinct place in my life, sometimes intentional and sometimes it just happened. But the sum and substance is that those mr and mrs invisibles do influence what I think and what I do. 

SP Jain helped me realize the futility of such relations or pressures; but I guess 2 years was too less to make me indifferent of the anu aunty's and uncles of the world.

It's not fear of criticism that makes me conform to them, it's also a contempt that I have for some of them that can't stand any criticism. I believe that they are too inferior to comment on what path i choose but at the same time i dread a situation when they pounce on me to tell me "we said, you are no use"

In-fact, when i look back, all that i did was to impress some x y z. I made it a point to prove and hell did I prove the doubting Thomas's that i am just not a good for nothing guy. But, it didn't really matter in the end, Did it? The Thomas are living their live and I don't find any sadistic pleasure in their sulking.

Yes, what does feel good is how the people who really care about me feel because of all this.It's important to see them happy, isn't it ? It feels good that they are treated well and your bits of glory has been an enabler of the same.

But someday, I need to claim this life of mine and live it on my own,the way I want it to be. The big Q is when is that day? Do I see it in the near future ?

The answer is "I don't know" and I am restless because I want to know ...

|| सरहद के उस पार ||

पल में जश्न, पल में  ग़म 

आँखों में कहीं उम्मीद  के  मोती  

गुच्छों  में उलझे सोच के  धागे 

बीखरे हुए मोतियों से वक़्त से किये वायदे

कभी किसी लम्हे  में अश्रु  की यह धार यूँही बहती है 

सरहद  के  उस  पार  भी  क्या यही  कहानी चलती  है ।

पलकें बंद  करके सपनों  में  खो जाना 

खट्टी मीठी यादों से दिल को बहलाना 

मंद मंद मुस्कान के साथ आँखों  का नम हो जाना 

कल की याद में आज  को  भूल  जाना 

क्या अक्सर यह गलतियाँ कहीं और भी होती है 

सरहद  के  उस  पार  भी  क्या  यही  कहानी  चलती  है ।

दिन बदले , मौसम बदले और गुजरे बहुतेरे  बरस 

मनं मेरे क्यूँ तू आज भी ढूंढे वही अरज ,

उन गलियों  में अब यादों  के रेत बहते हैं 

जिनमे हम अरमानों  के  फूल  सजाते  थे 

क्या  सुमन की भीनी खुसबू और कहीं भी आती है ,

सरहद के उस पार भी क्या यही कहानी चलती है 

आज कुछ  भी  कहीं  नहीं  है, फिर भी साँसें चलती हैं 

दिल अलग, धड़कन जुदा फिर भी दुनिया जीने कहती है  ....

क्या  सरहद  के  उस  पार  भी  यही  कहानी  चलती  है ||

PS : Inspired by one of my fav movie - veer zara

क्यूँ रोकूँ मैं तुझे |

क्यूँ  रोकूँ  मैं  तुझे ...

तू  निर्मल  जल  समूह  धारा प्रचंड 

मदमस्त  बलखाती  लय  पर  सवार 

नदी  नाले  वन  सजीव  विजयी 

अपनी  धुन  में  मंत्रमुघ्द अलाप  

क्यूँ  रोकूँ  मैं  तुझे ....

तुझमे  कांति  नभ  छूने  की  

व्योम  के  ध्रुव  को  प्रकाशित   करने  की  

उर्जा  तुझमे  अनंत 

दृढ़ता  तुझमे   प्रचंड 

क्यूँ  रोकूँ  मैं  तुझे ....

तू  आत्मा  विश्वास  का  जीवंत  स्वरुप  

मनुष्य  की  प्रचुर  चेष्टा  का  प्रतीक 

तुझमे  बसी  गंगा  की  धार 

गिर  के  उठी  तू  बार  बार  

क्यूँ  रोकूँ  मैं  तुझे ...

तू  निरंतर  जीवन  का  अमित  सार 

प्रकृति  के  चिरंजीवी  का  स्वरुप  साकार |

कैसे रोकूँ  मैं  तुझे ....

PS :dedicated to a father on what he is feeling for his daughter's success and the comments of the society for her travel abroad

IRCTC sucks !!!

A pathetic experience with the tatkal booking option of irctc.What were you thinking when you designed that stupid webpage , that it's for show and people wouldn't be using it for tatkal bookings or that the population of India is close to germany or france. Wake up , close to 2 lakhs are planning to book a train ticket in tatkal every day....

Being in India, you should know Indian realities. But including the railway ministry , the irctc folks either don't have technical understanding of India's needs or they are just as dumb.

Idiotic moves by Indian Railways

1. Tatkal window opens only 24 hrs before.
2. There are only 4 seats per train per class in Tatkal,
3. The site goes for a toss at 8:00 am.
4. The ajax field takes ages to load when required including server error 503
5. After all this if u r able to submit your request , a server error 200 throws up.
6. Finally at 8:30 if u r able to reach somewhere , a regret list is awaiting your request.

Guys, do us a favour , close the tatkal.

I don't know but it seems Railways has been trying to boost the Indian Airlines sector, for what else would explain the failure.

I do have face to face evidence working of the Indian railways while doing my development of corporate citizenship project in Pune. All we wanted was to estimate the feasibility of planting trees alongside railway tracks. However the department seemed to be too busy just running the trains and it seemed everything worked on jugaad.

There was a silver lining somewhere but the clouds around in Indian railways are very dark.....

I wish Laloo is back .. His being in railways improved the services and policies both for Indian railways and also for Bihar...

Regards,
Amrit

SPJIMR : Will I miss you?

Most of the answers to the questions that I ask myself find a common answer "I don't know". Bloody hell, why don't I know the answers to most of my questions. Today I asked myself a simple question , will I miss SP Jain and again stumbled upon the same futile answer " I don't know". Seriously I am fed up of this monotonous student of life, i.e me , who does not have any answer for me. 

Ok, let's probe further, what's there to miss in a college besides the usual "it's natural to miss your college". Just because you have been with something or somewhere for the last 2 years , do you miss it . Do I miss all the couplet years of my life. No I don't, I don't even remember most of my life. 

So the point is , you miss the things you like the most. For example, i missed food and family when  i was in Germany. What is that in college that I liked that I shall miss.

Like #1 : I liked the classes. Yes, I liked them. Not all, but most of them were very interactive, if u want , you learnt a lot of new ideas and lots of good things about life. The classes on what management is or the story of a boy which I forgot in the Learning Management Class were exciting. Most of the subjects that I studied ,could be very well practically applied to any business scenario. I loved the learning.

Like #2 : I loved the night canteen. I am generally awake till 3/4 , so the night canteen was something which always helped me get the fuel.Moreover, you can always find people around there to have a little chit-chat, curse some assignments ....

Like # 3 : Optimistic, that  I am, I always believe in next time.However , if there is no next time, I would miss being with 101 E , specially some people with whom I had late night discussions and anything and everything.

Like #4 : I shall miss Moments like Anandwan and PG lab , which gave u a high !

I guess that's my short list. Let the college be over and let me see what actually shall I miss .....

SJ and JS : Thanks for shaping my thoughts!! RIP

This is my first weekend in Mumbai after I started my internship in Citibank.

Pune, to me is a lot of good food, cozy home , lovely wife and sweet long drives. I missed it this time majorly for the sake of a deteriorated health which warranted travel. I didn’t just miss Pune this time but consciously avoided any other busy-ness.

It’s been long since I had a word with myself. The weather outside , the soothing sound of the rain , the lovely  breeze caressing my disheveled hair locks , the quietness of the floor and no pressing work calls for a perfect date with myself.

Well , I can talk about a lot of things , my work  - which I officially hate , my weight loss programme – which is yet to start , the future aspirations – that I am still confused about  or  the state of the MBA and engineering jobs being offered – a wholesale mandi these days.

However, I think I shall talk to myself about 2 important people in my life and about my favorite topic – my dreams.

Recently, there was sad demise of two important persons who had deeply touched my life and coincidentally their initials share the same letters: SJ and JS , i.e Steve Jobs and Jagjit Singh.The reasons though very different, their work in life has formed the pillars of my being and action.

I first got to know JS at the age of 14 , when most of the kids were lost in the cricketing fancies of Sachin. Thanks to the pathetic electricity at my hometown , I was bereft of many of those marvelous innings. However , the walkman that I had was an excellent company along with the then 60 Rs cassette of Sony Crescendo – Marasim.

I was a very thoughtful kid who had always wanted to understand and explore human emotions and JS voice and the lyrics of his ghazals were something I could relate to. My personal life was a collection of many subtle experiences, of which I had used to ponder endlessly.

With every  passing year, the  correlation between my life and the ghazals of JS became closer to the perfect  one.  Infact my first proposal to a girl in Class XIth was a result of one of the Ghazals “ yun mere khat ka jawab aaya”. Although not of JS, one can easily see the influence of Ghazals in my day to day life.

I was never a good student. However, the recipe to study which helped me work it out just fine for my IIT entrance examination was a closed room , with an airy window , a table lamp , black in colour , neatly arranged table  on which in one corner was the Philips tape recorder with JS’ s voice soothing my nerves. It was hours for which I could solve the numerical while listening to his masterpieces.

Thanks to You! The recipe worked and I could clear IITJEE.

Even then the tryst with JS continued while my life resembled a roller coaster. While it was sometimes about love , sometimes sadness , sometimes it was just for the peace of my mind. Yeah , somehow they had found me a way to be at peace.

SJ , too has affected my mind considerably and probably for the rest of my life. SJ for me is an epitome of imagination turned into reality. He is one of those original thinkers who can envision future. The  meaning of the word exciting for me is close to the bitten apple and his thoughts on how to connect the dots or how to stay hungry and foolish.

While at Infosys Services, I was selected as a research scientist in ISRO which I denied to work for Infosys R&D with the inspiration of creating something for the future, very much inspired by the Roark of my real life , SJ.

I kept following Apple closely and the protagonist SJ and his speech in Stanford about living each day was for a long time very close to my heart.

Today I am someone who wants to work on the products/services of the future, help create those, popularize them and make them reach the masses. I am an engineer from the heart , MBA from the mind and a philosopher from the soul, and I thank you both for leading me become what I am today.

Although I always thought there will be a day I could meet you, I think it shall have to wait till I give back to the world from the mind , heart and soul just as you both did !!! RIP...

Autumns Internship II

What is LIBOR?

The London Interbank Offered Rate, or LIBOR, is the European version of the federalfunds rate in the United States and represents the interest rate at which London banks charge each other on funds borrowed. This is not to be confused with the BBA LIBOR rate, which is a filtered average of inter-bank loans maturing within 1 year. BBA LIBOR is published once per day by the British Bankers Association at around 11 AM London standard time. The BBA is advised by a group of senior banking experts from at least 8 contributor banks and uses their lending activity to derive the BBA LIBOR rate.

How is it used?

LIBOR represents a benchmark for short term borrowing worldwide and is used to settle interest rate contracts in many of the world's futures and options exchanges. BBA LIBOR is created in ten different currencies and is done so by polling a new set of relevant contributor banks for each currency. BBA currency LIBOR will then provide the borrower with an interest rate to borrow a specific currency in the London cash market. You may hear the term Eurodollars or Euroyen; this defines the interest rate at which you can borrow US dollars or Japanese Yen in the London market.

BBA LIBOR is also referenced in many instruments that have a variable rate structure; such as, adjustable rate mortgages, floating rate notes, interest rate swaps, syndicated loans, and much more.

How do you calculate Interest using LIBOR?

BBA LIBOR is not a compounded rate; rather, it is calculated on the basis of the actual funding term. The formula to calculate interest using LIBOR would be done as follows:

Principal Loan Amt X BBA LIBOR rate X (Loan Term/360)

This formula would apply to the US LIBOR ; however, the GBP LIBOR is based on an ACTUAL/365 scheme and therefore you would have to adjust that formula to divide by 365.

How Do Banks Set Equilibrium Forward Rates?

Equilibrium in forward contracts occurs when the forward exchange rate of the two currencies in the contract yield equal returns. Banks calculate their equilibrium forward rates by using the current spot rate, the interest rate of the foreign currency and the interest rate of their domestic currency. Banks base their equilibrium forward rate calculations on the economic theory of interest rate parity  

Interest Rate Parity Theory

o    The interest rate parity theory is the economic theory in which the interest rate difference between two currencies is equal to the difference between the forward and spot rates of each country's respective currency. When the interest rate parity theory is violated, it disrupts equilibrium and creates arbitrage opportunities for investors. An investor takes advantage of an arbitrage opportunity when he buys and sells the same or similar financial instrument at the same time but in different markets. The investor makes a profit from exploiting the price differences that occurred due to the interest rate parity violation.

Equilibrium Forward Rate Formula Definitions

o    The forward exchange equilibrium equals the spot rate multiplied by (1 plus the domestic interest rate) divided by (1 plus the foreign interest rate). The spot rate is the immediate exchange rate between two currencies. The interest rates used in equilibrium forward rate calculations are typically based on the London Interbank Offer Rate (LIBOR). The LIBOR rate is the interest rate banks offer other banks in London's wholesale money markets.

Equilibrium Forward Rate Formula

o    To illustrate the formula, say you want to make an investment in euros (EUR). Assume that the current spot rate for EUR to United States dollar (USD) is 1.859, written as euro/USD=1.859. The one-year LIBOR interest rate is 8 percent for euro and 6 percent for USD. The equilibrium forward rate formula for this example is as follows: Forward rate=1.859*[(1+.06)/(1+.08)]. Banks have to break the formula down to: Forward rate=1.859*(1.06/1.08). This breaks down further: Forward rate=1.859*.981. This then equals 1.824.

Discounts and Premiums

o    Using that example, to obtain equilibrium, the euro would trade at a discount to the USD. Selling at a forward discount equalizes the higher LIBOR interest of the EUR against the USD and helps to prevent arbitrage. If the situation was reversed and the LIBOR for the USD was higher than the EUR, the EUR would trade a forward premium to equalize the higher LIBOR interest rate of the USD against the EUR.

Read more: How Do Banks Set Equilibrium Forward Rates? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/info_8789113_do-set-equilibrium-forward-rates.html#ixzz1Y326s7tg

 Some more links

http://www.rbnz.govt.nz/statistics/exandint/b1/3401943.pdf
http://www.imf.org/external/pubs/ft/wp/2002/wp0228.pdf
http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2010-08-24/news/27574810_1_currency-futures-exchange-traded-currency-interest-rate
http://glossary.reuters.com/index.php?title=FX_Swap
http://thomsonreuters.com/content/financial/pdf/s_and_t/RTFXQuickStartGuidev2.0_2.pdf
http://thomsonreuterseikon.com/
http://thomsonreuters.com/products_services/financial/financial_products/a-z/trading_foreign_exchange/
http://www.rbi.org.in/scripts/WSSViewDetail.aspx?TYPE=Section&PARAM1=6
http://www.treasurer.ca.gov/cdiac/publications/math.pdf
http://math.nyu.edu/~alberts/spring07/Lecture1.pdf
http://www.mysmp.com/bonds/libor.html
http://math.nyu.edu/~alberts/spring07/Lecture1.pdf
http://www.ehow.com/info_8789113_do-set-equilibrium-forward-rates.html
http://www.fabiomercurio.it/booksample.pdf
http://www.oup.com/us/ppt/derivatives/DMCH10.ppt - very imp